2am ramblings........

So I am up at 2am, again.  This has become a new norm for me during this deployment.  Between parenting the princess, keeping up with the house, and attending full time online college, there are just not enough hours in the day.  I knew that Josh helped a lot when he was home, but I guess never realize just how hard it would be to accomplish everything without him.

For example, today I had an assignment due.  I had a week to work on it, but it was 1 of 4 assignments that I had over the week and this one had the latest due date.  I woke up determined to get it done early in the day, but after Hannah had breakfast and we were both ready for the day I stopped by parents to ask a favor of my dad, he wasn't home.  My mom, who has MS and a full time care giver, was having an anxious day so I decided to bring her home with me to spend some time with Hannah.  By the time we all got home it was lunch time.  After lunch was made, served, and cleaned up I spent some time distracted by my mom and Hannah.  Before I knew it, it was time to make dinner.  After everyone ate, I had to clean up yet again.  Then I took my mom back home, and my dad was there so I talked to him about some work I want to get done on our house before Josh gets home.  When we got home  Hannah went to her room to play for a bit, and I started in on my homework.  I got a good start on it, when Hannah asked me to build a castle with her.  She asked so sweetly that I could not refuse, so we built castles.  When we were done she helped me pick up the blocks, and we were on to bath time.  As I was getting her pjs on Josh got online. So I let her watch tv in my room while I chatted with him.  After we got off line, I finished getting Hannah ready for bed, and tried to get her to sleep.  She wouldn't stay in bed, and finally I had to lay in bed with her... She still would not settle down, and it was nearly 11pm when she FINALLY gave it up and went to sleep.  I started in on my assignment again, with an hour until deadline.  After 3hrs of working on it, I am calling it a night.  It still isn't finished, but at this point it is already late.  So late it will have to be.

 My very 1st priority of everyday is to keep this face a smiling one!

In reality I should not have chosen today to spend with my mom, because she needs as much attention as my 2 year old does.  I thought that I could get my work done with her here, but between her and Hannah I stayed very busy!  Now, I really should be in bed since Hannah will be up early (even though she went to bed late), but instead I am sitting here thinking about how the life of a single mom is, and how lucky I am to have a husband like Josh.  This deployment has been hard, but in some ways it has strengthen our marriage.  We are proving that our love can with stand any obstacle thrown our way, and we are learning to appreciate each other in ways we never would have if we weren't forced apart for such a long period of time.

I sit here tonight, and try to picture the day when this will all be over.  When Josh will be home, and safe again.  Everyday we get closer to that, and for that I am thankful.  Until then, I will continue to push on, and pray for the safety of my solider and his men.

Life during deployment.

So I realize that it as been awhile since I have "blogged".  Life around the Apel home has not been the same since Josh deployed, and lets face it I have never really been good at keeping up with this anyways.  I have, however, been doing quite a bit of journaling.  This being the first deployment that Josh and I have encounter since meeting five years ago, it has been a very difficult experience for me. It has come with a wide range of emotions, most of which I keep to myself.  Hints where the journal comes in!  I was inspired to write today after coming across a quote on my friend and fellow army wife's Facebook page. 

 "Distance is to love as wind to a flame, it increases the strong and diminishes the weak."

This simple quote made me start to reflect on the love that my husband and I share.  After meeting in a semi-unconviental way, our relationship grew very quickly.  I knew with in a few months that Josh was the man that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, and we were married a little over a year after we started dating.  Josh and I were perfect for each other in many different ways, but our lives together have not been all sunshine and rainbows.  Marriages take work, but we have always come through any obstacle life has thrown our way stronger then we were before.

Before this deployment I would have thought there was no way possible for us to be any stronger, or any more in love.  The distance has proven me wrong.  Even though we are worlds a part (literally),  our hearts have never been closer.  Sounds corny, right?  Well it is true.  It is hard to explain, but I guess the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true.  Through the ups and downs of this deployment I can honestly say that this experience has, and will continue too, strengthen our relationship and reconfirm our commitment to one another.

So to sum this up whole thing up, deployments are lame.  I miss my husband, and there are no words to express how deeply his absence is felt in our family.  We will, however, continue on.  Knowing that once this is over, we will be stronger.  At the end of the day, no matter how hard or long it has been, I am proud to be the wife of a true American hero.  There is no other man for me, and no other life I would rather live.

Terrible Two's!

Well it's true.  My baby is no longer a baby! She has morphed into a toddler overnight!  Though, I'd have to say she isn't a very terrible two.... not yet at least!  We celebrated little Miss Hannah's birthday almost two weeks ago now!  I have been waiting until I got all the pictures from my friends to post about it, but I am having one of those sleepless kinda nights so I decided now is as good as time as any!

My Princess and her AMAZING birthday cake!

Josh and I put a lot of time and effort (and money) into her party, and I would have have to say it paid off!  We had a "Tangled" theme, because it is Hannah's favorite movie, and well quite frankly my princess LOVES princesses! There was a great turn out, and everyone had fun!  We are so blessed to have so many amazing friends and family! We didn't take many pictures ourselves of Hannah's birthday due to being busy with her party (hence whey I am waiting to get pictures from two friends that took them for us) but I will share this one of her and her AMAZING cake! 

My little miss has become quite the chatter box in the last month of so.  The other day I asked her to get off the table she was standing on and she told me "No, I dancing!"  The girl does love to dance!  She always is always demanding I find either her "Princess" or "Dinosaur", most of the time she would prefer both!  Nothing melts my heart more then when she tells me she loves me!

Other then Hannah's big day, things have been kinda quite around our little home.  Josh just returned from spending a couple days in the field, and Hannah and I have been staying busy by visiting family, and shopping for little things to make our new home even cozier! Our spring deployment is still looming in the not so distant future, but until the day we have to say "See ya later", we are trying to squeeze in as much "family" time as possible!  We have a fun weekend planned so look out for more post and of coarse more pictures! 

Iced in!

So that warm home I was thankful for last night is not so warm today. Thanks to the snow storm turned ice storm we have been experiencing a power outage since early this morning! I am strangely missing Georgia right now! Lol! Thankfully though, we are taking refuge at my grandma's. Getting here was somewhat of a challenge, but luckily it is close and we have a warm place to sleep tonight! God willing the power doesn't go out here too! I'm praying for the thousands (literally) who do not have power and thanking God for keeping us safe in the midst of of this storm!

Sleepless

As I lay awake listening to nothing but the sound of the bedroom fan I feel thankful. I may be feeling restless tonight, but I am at peace because I know I am blessed.

I am blessed with my husband who works hard to not only provide for our family, but fights wars to keep us safe. I am blessed with our beautiful daughter who's sass and endless energy lets me know we are raising a happy, healthy child. I'm blessed with our home that is cozy and warm while the outside world is still covered in ice and snow. I could go on and on about everything I am thankful for, but won't. Not tonight at least! Mostly I just want to say that though there may be things I WANT, I know I am blessed because there is nothing I NEED! I think a lot of times people , myself included, take for granted the simple things we have that others do not.

Snow Days!

Ready to PLAY (Mommy made her put pants on first)

So far January has ceased to slow down!  Hannah is now getting over an upper respiratory infection (fancy name for a bad cold) and her 2nd birthday is just around the corner!  To top if off we have been getting snow on and off for the couple of day making me NOT want to leave the house!  After living in Georgia for the last 3 years this cold weather is not welcomed!  Hannah, on the other hand, is LOVING the snow.  She has been sledding with her dad in the front yard, and is really enjoying it!  She loves being outside, and I guess the cold weather doesn't phase her!

Hannah and Daddy Sledding in what is left of the snow!

With Hannah's birthday this weekend I have SO much to do, but in between all the craziness that has been our lives I have been reflecting on how fast my baby girl has grown up! It  amazing to me to think that she is nearly 2!  Everyday she acts a little bit more grown up!  Today she danced around the house saying "I'm a Princess"!, and  A princess she truly is.  I mean, after all,  she did refuse to go into Target today without her Hello Kitty purse. She is such a girly girl, and I LOVE IT!  I am so glad that Josh and I made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom.  I love spending everyday with our "princess".  This time has gone by so fast.  I would have hated to have missed a minute of it. Even those moments that made me what to pull out my hair! :)


So all in all, life has been busy for the Apels, and there is no sign of a slow down in the near future.  Now that Josh is back to work we are starting to prepare ourselves for a spring deployment, but I will worry about later..........

The New Year Brings New Beginnings

Hannah playing on the porch of our new house!

2012 has barely begun and it has already brought so many changes for our family! First of all we PSCed from Fort Benning, GA to Fort Lewis, WA!  This was a very welcomed move since I am from the area!  I can not even begin to say how amazing it is to be back HOME with all our friends and family!  Hannah is LOVING all the time she gets to play with her cousins, and being spoiled by the rest of our family and friend.  

We were lucky enough to be able to get moved JUST in time for the holidays!  We had a wonderful Christmas with our family and rang in the New Year with friends! After the New Year we started moving into our new home!  It has been a project house, but is really coming along nicely!We are all settling in and loving it!  Hannah especially likes her very pink and very princessy room that daddy painted for her!

Josh signs back into his unit this week, and then the real fun will begin!  He will be back in a line unit and there is a high possibility that he will be deploying to Afghanistan this spring. That is something I am not looking forward too, but it is unavoidable now that his drill sergeant time is over.  We have many fun family events to look forward to before then though!  For example Hannah's 2nd birthday party will be taking place in less then 2 wks! 


Though life has been busy one of my "New Year" projects is to keep up with this blog.  It is more of a personal goal for myself so I can look back on it later in life.  I have our whole lives photographed, but I would like have written memories also! So look forward to many more post and I apologize in advance if they are boring! LOL. 

Times of War, PRAY

A friend of ours was injured in Afghanistan early this morning.  Though I personally did not know him well, Josh did.  When I told him the news I tried to hold back my tears.  It is times like these that this war becomes real, and the sacrifices our men and women in uniform are making made clear.

I can see the pain in my husbands eyes when he hears that yet another one of his brothers in arms has been injured.  Not only can I see his pain, but I can feel it.  As I read updates on his condition I can only imagine the feeling of helplessness his wife must be feeling. My heart truly goes out to her.  She reports that his condition is stable and he is being transported to Germany as we speak.  I thank God that he has survived this, and pray that he is soon returned to his family.

As I pray for him and his family I can't help but to also pray for Josh. I pray that I never find myself on the other end of the phone call, that is ever Army wives worst nightmare.   In the 3 short years Josh and I have been married I have sadly learned that phone call, that dreaded knock on the door by th unknown man in uniform bearing bad news, are all too real for too many loved ones left behind.

So tonight I pray.  I pray for the Simion's and Jeremy's safe return to his family.  I pray for the safety of all our troops. I pray for my husband, and the years he has left serve.  Basically tonight, I pray.

Mother's Day!

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful Mom's out there!  I hope everybody's day was as special as mine!

I love being a Mom and even more then that I love being HANNAH'S MOM!  All I needed today was her and Josh.  I got them and so much more!  My day started with sleeping in (Josh got up with Hannah), and breakfast in bed!  I also got flowers and a new Coach bag!  To top it off I was also taken out to Mexican for lunch.  My husband sure knows the way to my heart!

It made me feel special that Josh went out of his way to make sure I had a special day.  It feels nice to know I am appreciated! :)  I am oh so lucky to have such an amazing husband and daughter!

Catch up time!

Life has been busy and the days seem to be flying right on by!  I took Hannah to her 15 month appointment last week and she has grown 2" inches and gained almost 3 pounds since her 12 month appointment last January!  Besides getting bigger she is also FINALLY starting to walk and has been talking up a storm!  Her new favorite word is "NO"! LOL. It surprises me how something like her telling me "NO" can be so cute, yet so annoying at the same time!

I still at times struggle to find a balance in life.  Taking care of Hannah's needs and wants are my number one priority in life (I am not complaining about that) and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I often times forget to take time out for myself to do the things that I enjoy.  I feel like I have in away let myself go. I guess I am trying to find a balance of the person I once was and the mother I am now.  Does that even make sense?

Despite feeling overwhelmed at times, more then anything I am thankful for Josh and Hannah.  I really do love being a wife and a mother.  I have been blessed with a very happy energetic child.  Her personality is so cute and lovable! She is social and outgoing already!   I know more then anything that she is my purpose in life.  Her and Josh are the life that God had planned for me all along. All I had to do was let go of the things of the world that I THOUGHT I wanted and expect the wonderful gifts that God wanted to bless me with! :)

 

Water for Elephants

There are few things I love more then a good book.  I find that I can lose myself in reading and actually picture the characters as if I am watching a movie in my head!  I have a vivid imagation and I love to escape to a make believe world! 

Since having Hannah I find I have little time to enjoy this simple pleasure anymore.  I have too many interest and not enough time to fit them all in anymore! LOL.  I did however find time to read "Water for Elephants."  I was an amazing story something I would suggest to anyone who loves to read!

It is about a 93 year old telling his story of when he was a young man and ran away with the circus!  It is romance, deceit, murder and much more.  I found it not only entertaining but very interesting!  I could barely put it down... just ask my husband who got very annoyed with the night table lamp being on while he was trying to sleep!


If you aren't much of a reader I recently saw a preview for the movie version coming to theaters later this month.  I am sure it won't be as good as the book, but I will see it anyways. That is how much I LOVED the story!  I loved it so much that I had to bore all 8 of my readers with this blog! LOL

So much for security!

When my husband re-enlisted we knew we would make sacrifices, we knew we would be moved from post to post, and we knew that we would face deployments.  In exchange we were getting guaranteed paychecks and health benefits. Well today the government has disappointed us greatly by following through with it's threats of a military pay freeze.

LES's were released earlier today confirming what everyone feared.  No one is getting paid after April 8th.  This means that when payday comes around on the 15th every military member will be receiving roughly half of their regular pay and if they don't settle on a budget, by the time the 1st rolls around there will no paychecks at all.

This baffles me.  How can our government with hold pay from those who put their lives on the line for our country.  How do they sleep at night knowing the position they have put thousands of families in?

 
The one thing we thought we would never have to worry about is how we would pay our bills or how we will feed our daughter, but now I am questioning these very things.  Realistically we have the savings to make it for a couple months and I really don't see it going that long, but the fact that I even have to wonder or question it makes me sick.  What kind of country do I live in when men and women on welfare and unemployment receive constant paychecks and my husband who has been wounded in combat defending our country pay is being withheld? Someone please tell me where the logic in that is!

The principle of this is what bothers me more then anything, but as my husband says on his facebook today "Don't worry America, I will continue to fight for you even if my family and I have to live in a card board box!"  and I in turn will continue to support him.

Another weekend come and gone....

Hannah outside playing and enjoying the Georgia sun!

It seems as though the days have just been flying by lately! In a way this is good.  It means we are getting closer and closer to moving back to WA, but that means we are getting closer to our unknown future and I hate the unknown! 

I also LOVE and HATE how fast Hannah is growing up.  It seems like only yesterday I brought home my tiny 4 lb princess and now she is starting to talk and is on the verge of walking.  She has been saying "Mama" and "Daddy" for months but just this last week she has added "Thank You", "Ducky", and "Kitty"  She isn't quite walking on her own yet, but she is getting there!

Princess Hannah in her Princess buggy!

It is difficult for me to gauge if she is advance or falling behind since she was born almost 2 months early and the doctors say she could take up to 2 years to fully catch up.  I know for a fact that she isn't behind on walking, but she also isn't ahead.  Her social and verbal skills however amaze me.  She has been trying to talk for a long time now.  She sits and reads her books to herself in her own baby Hannah language and hold conversations with me in this same language.  It is so amazing to me to hear her start to actually make out "real" words!  She also listens and understands very well.  For instance she has a little pink car that I push her around in and when I tell her to honk the horn she does it on command!  This and other little things always seem to amaze me!    It is so wonderful to see her develop and grow especially after her rough start, but it also is sad that time goes by so fast and I know she won't always be a baby! :( I love to take pictures of her though...and dress her up in what Josh calls "ridiculous" outfits, but I am positive he means ridiculousLY CUTE outfits like the Easter outfit I have her in above!

People always leave......

Hannah and Abby Easter Sunday 2010

Today my daughter learns a lesson about military life that she is still too young to understand.  Her "best" friends are moving away today.  At 14 months old you might think it is silly for me to say she has a best friend, but she really does.  If you were to see her reaction towards Connor and Abby you would see that even at a very young age she has bonded with them.  They have been a part of her life for a little more then a year now. Connor is 2 days shy of a year older then Hannah, and Abby is just 2 weeks younger.  She knows them by sight and gets excited every time she see's them.  She reacts to them in a way that she doesn't react to any other kids her age.  She knows them when sadly she doesn't even know her own cousins.

Abby, Connor, and Hannah 4th of July 2010

She won't remember them.  She may not even notice their sudden absence in her life, but one day she will be old enough to understand.  One day she will be forced to leave her friends behind as we move on to a new duty station and she will miss them. She will understand.


Hannah will not have the kind of childhood that I had.  I grew up surrounded with the best family in the world.  Loving grandparents, fun aunts and uncles, and lots and lots of cousins.  We were all close.  I looked up to my older cousins wanting to be more like them and my cousins my age were like best friends.  We used to ride rooter scooters around my grandparents basements, have mini slumber parties, play pool, and much much more. I always looked forward to them visiting and spending endless summer days with them.

Abby and Hannah! Beautiful Butterflies Halloween 2010

I have learned that in the Military we have "substitute" families.  For example, my own Nephew who will be 3 this year barely recognizes me, but Connor see's my car coming down the road and startes yelling Auntie.  We have been blessed to make some really great friends here that love Hannah and are glad to be her Aunties and Uncles, but it makes me sad that in reality she has 2 Aunts, one of which she has never met, and a Uncle that she barely knows.  In turn I have a Nephew that doesn't really know me and a brand new niece that I have yet to meet.

Cute girls! Abby and Hannah!

I am happy that we will be going back to Fort Lewis where Hannah will get a chance to spend at least part of her childhood with her Great Grandma Sharon, her Grandma and Grandpa Anderson, My brother, sister in law, and her 2 cousins, and the many many other friends and family we have there, but I also know that the time for us to leave them will once again come and this time Hannah will be old enough to understand.  She will be old enough to miss them.  It will make leaving them harder then it was the first time I left almost 3 years ago.

Hannah and Connor.  Valentines 2010

"Army Wives"

Tonight's episode of Army Wives hit a little too close to home.  Though the show may be fictional, it is based on the lives of military family's.  Family's like my own.  Tonight for the first time is 5 season's a main character was killed in action.

It's funny how these characters can become so real to us that when they die it can bring tears to our eyes... or maybe it just me, but watching tonight I couldn't help but feel like it was real.  The sad thing is it is real.  The characters may be fictional, but the story is true for too many family's. 

So many men and women have died for this country and all their loves ones have left of them are old memories and a folded flag.  They die for their country and to them there is no greater honor, but what about those they leave behind.  How do they feel about the army and the war after they lose someone they love because of it?

With our time here at Fort Benning quickly dwindling down I start to feel the fear and anxiety of our unknown future start to creep in.  We know that we will be reporting to Fort Lewis early next year and we know Josh will once again join a deploy able line unit.  We don't, however, know if or when he will deploy, but with 9 years left to serve in the army as an infantry solider deployment at one point seems inevitable.  All I can do is make the most of everyday we have to spend together as a family and hope and pray that God will direct the path of our future as he sees fit. 

Tonight my thoughts and prayers are with all the military families that have lost loved ones and those who currently have soldiers over sea's.  Thank you all for your service and for supporting your solider!

Day's like today I love the South

Days like today are a good reminder of how amazing my life really is.  It's the simple things in life that  make me happy!

For starters, Josh was off today which makes any day a good day!  Secondly, it was warm and Sunny! A perfect spring day! While all our friends and family are stuck in WA FREEZING we were out enjoying the sun!

Hannah in the bounce house!

So what did we do to enjoy this beautiful day?  Josh started his day with a fishing trip to the river while Hannah  and I went out shopping for a birthday present since we had a party to attend this afternoon. Nothing like doing things last minute, I know! LOL.  The birthday party was "Carnival" themed and Hannah had a blast!   She got to play in a bounce house and try cotton candy for the first time!  When we got home we went for a nice long walk with the neighbors and their kids!  We def got our fair share of vitamin D today!

Now the night is winding down and Hannah is already tucked into bed after a long day and Josh headed back to the river for a couple more hours of fishing and I am relaxing in bed trying not to fall a sleep myself!  Though our day may not be what other would consider fun and exciting it is days like these that make all the long days that Josh is stuck at work, worth while for me.  There is nothing better then spending quality time with the two people I love most in this world. My husband and my daughter!

Surprisingly enough it is also days like today that I realize I am going to miss Georgia when it is time for us to leave here.  I hated it here when I first got here, but over the last 2 years it has started to grow on me.  This is where Josh and I started our lives as a married couple and it is where I gave birth to our precious baby girl.  Even though I never wanted to let it feel like home, somehow it has.

Even more surprisingly I am starting to feel anxious about moving back to WA at the beginning of next year.  I have grown accustom to our lives here.  I was in such a hurry to get home again that I forgot about the parts of my life that weren't so great there and I worry that I might get sucked back into certain things that I had to move 3,000 miles from home to get away from.  I have become a different person since I have been away.  I have family of my own to take care of now and they come first and foremost. Will my friends and family be able to accept this and accept the new me?  Will some of the people that were once so dear to my heart be able to fit into my new life?  I guess only time will tell, but I am no longer in a rush to get to the future... I am going to spend the last 10 months that I have here in GA taking advantage of all the south has to offer and enjoying all the little things that I now know I will miss about my home away from home!

She was suppose to be a Butterfly but she wasn't sitting still!

A couple picks of Hannah enjoying herself at the party today!!!!

Hannah eating her first Cotton Candy!

Burnt Out!

At the end of the day I am always so exhausted, and sometimes it is hard to explain why. Well today is not one of those days! 

For starts today was made 11 days in a row that Josh has worked. This means 11 days of being a single Mom! LOL.  To top it off I had my neighbors 2 year old son for a couple hours today. Usually I don't mind having extra kids here.  Though I may complain at times, I really do love being a stay at home Mom, and I really love kids.  Today, however, it was too much. 

Connor and Hannah usually get along so well.  Hannah responds to him differently then any other kid we know.  He is her first best friend.  Today Connor was in a mood I have never seen him in.  His Mom was gone for a little over 2 hrs and he spend the fast majority of that time crying at the front door for her.  There was nothing I could do for him and I am not used to hours of consent crying. At one point he started kicking Hannah, which was very upsetting for both of us!

Connor, Hannah and Abby. (Hannah is in the middle)

When his Mom finally came back for him I was done.  I have never been so happy to have a quiet house again!  I can't get over how mentally drained I feel right now.  Thankfully tomorrow is friday, day 12 of Josh's work week, which means Josh will be off for the WHOLE weekend! So excited for some long over due family time!  Hannah and I both miss our Daddy!

Connor and Hannah like to hold hands when we take them for walks!

"Teen Mom"

So laugh as you may, Teen Mom is a show that I watch religiously.  I love watching the babies grow, and sometime the parents too.  Lately though it seems like MTV is really missing the mark with this show.  It was suppose to show case teenage Mom's and show how hard being a mom is, but when I watch it all I can think is... man do these girl really know how good they have it?

Don't get me wrong, some of the issues they have are heartbreaking and I can't image opening up my life to the public how they have.  Watching one of the twins this season struggle with health issues almost brings me to tears, but at the same time I see how lucky the parents of the twins are to have the support of all there family and friends. 

I guess that is what I am getting at in the end.  These girls, and a lot of the other moms in the world don't realize how lucky they are to be so close to family and to have extra support financially, emotionally, and babysitters when they need them! 

I can count on one hand the number of times Hannah has been left with a sitter and it has never been for more the a hour or two.  For the last 13 and 1/2 months the responsibility of raising her has been primarily on my shoulders as Josh has to work and be away from us most of the time.  If I need to go to the grocery store she comes with, if I want to go out to lunch with a friend she comes with, if Josh and I want to go out to dinner she comes with, anywhere and everywhere I go she goes. I'm not complaining by all means.  I love my daughter and I believe that a mother should be the one to raise her children.  I think if at all possible mothers should stay at home with their children, but I won't get into that at this time.

What I guess I am getting at today is that MTV isn't making motherhood look as hard as it actually is and it seems like more and more teenagers are wanting babies instead of not wanting babies.  The show has turned into mostly baby daddy drama.  Having a child effects so much more then your relationships with your child's dad.  It changes every aspect of your life.  It changes who you are and what you stand for.  At least it should.  If they want to show girls how much work really goes into raising a child they should show case a military couple that is living thousands of miles away from friends and family.  I don't know what any of the girls on the show would do if they didn't have their parents or other people in their lives to dump there kids off with half the time while they go and get their nails done and on dates with their babies daddy's!

There I am done. I have vented for the day.

Guess I am not the best at keeping up with this blog......

So I realize that I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog and I left the rest of Hannah's story untold. The truth is life is busy and and so is Hannah.  Any mother of a one year old knows that!  So here is the quick verison of the other half of my "birthing" story.

Hannah was born 1/21/10 at 10am in the morning.  I spent four nights in the hosiptal before she was born.  After 24 hrs of enduced labor my condition was quickly worsing and they were forced to take her via "C" section.  At this point the fear and anxitey I had been feeling for the last 4 days was gone.  As they wheeled me into the operation room I felt a  peace around me.  In that monment I knew God was there to take care of us.  I finally let go of my daughter and gave her to God and in return he gave me the peace and knowlegdge that she was going to be okay.

It's been over a year now, and I still get tears in my eyes remembering that day.  My husband says that is was stromy and rainy out but at 10am when Hannah was born and we first heard her cry he claims the rain stopped and the sun came out.  I was too out of it to notice, but it makes perfect sense to me.  The worst part of our personal strom was over and Hannah was the sunshine at the end!  She weighed 4lb 2ounces and was 17 inches long.

I only got to see my perfect little princess for a second before they took her to the NICCU.  It would be over 24hrs before I would get to see her again and before I would get to hold her for the first time.  Josh went between me and the NICCU.  Keeping a close eye on both of his girls and bring me pictures of our new little bundle of joy!

We spent the next 3 days in the hosiptal with Hannah in the NICCU.  Even though she couldn't be in my room with us it was nice to be able to see her anytime I wanted too.  After I was released Hannah had to stay.  I hated leaving her there.  I came home feeling empty.  The last time I had been home she was with me, and it was almost more then I could bare that she couldn't come home with me.  It also made visiting her so much harder.  We live 25 minutes from the hosiptal she was born at, but we still made it twice a day everyday to see her.

My little fighter was born tiny but perfect.  She had some slight reflux issues, but was breathing on her own and never needed a feeding tube. She only had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks before we got to bring her home! All in all we were truely blessed with a miracle! Hannah is 13 months now and looking at her you would never know she had such rough start in this life.  She has completely caught up in almost all areas.  She is not walking yet, but the doctors aren't worried about that because she shouldn't even be a year old yet and not all babies walk before they are a year!

Well that is all for now.  More later!

A year ago, yesterday!

January 17, 2010 (a year ago yesterday) I was 32 and 1/2 weeks pregnant.  It is also the same night that I was rushed from Martin Army hospital by ambulance to Columbus Regional Hospital.  I had been diagnosed with preeclampsia early in my pregnancy and been watched very closely for months,  That night I had pains and feelings that I can't explain, but I knew things were wrong.  My husband took me to labor and delivery at the hospital on post (Martin Army).  My blood pressure was insanely high, so high that I was uncontrollably vomiting (gross I know).  I was transferred to the local hospital in town (Columbus Regional) because Martin Army doesn't have a NICCU and I was informed by the doctors at Martin Army that my sweet baby girl would more then likely have to been born that night.  For those of you who don't know what preeclampsia  is, it is a condition in which your body basically because allergic to your placenta.  It causes high blood pressure and for your kidneys and liver not to function properly.  The only cure for preeclampsia is delivery of the baby.

I can't describe the amount of emotions and fear that I was overcome with at this time.  Josh and I were 3,000 miles away from "home" and our family.  Josh tried his hardest to be strong for me, but we both knew it was too early for our baby to come and I was getting sicker by the minute.  The details of that night are a little blurry to me. Everything was happening so fast and I was put on a drug called magnesium to make sure that I didn't start having seizures.  I remember the paramedic in the ambulance with me trying to come me down because my blood pressure was still so high and there would be nothing he could do if I did start to have seizures.  The magnesium made me very hot and thirsty. I remember my mouth being so dry, but they wouldn't let me drink anything. Josh contacted my family along with his. Neither of us knew what to expect from there on out.  Hannah and I were in the lords hands.

Hannah didn't come that night.  They were able to stabilize my blood pressure and I was given a steroid shot to help with the development of Hannah's lungs. The doctors made it clear to Josh and I that this was all only temporary and that I would be staying in the hospital until Hannah was born.  They wanted to be able to wait 36 hours (until I had another steroid shot for her lungs and it had, had enough time to take effect) before she would be delivered, but they weren't sure we would be able to wait even that long.

The next day was much of the same. I was sick and in so much pain but I didn't want my baby to be born yet so I tried to bare it.  I was hooked up to so many machines monitoring me and the baby and I had blood work done every couple of hours around the clock to make sure my condition was worsting.  It was impossible to get any rest with people poking me with needles every couple of hours.  I wasn't allowed out of bed since I was still on the mag and a IV for fluids.  They wouldn't let me eat or drink anything afraid at anytime they would have to do a ER C-section. The head doctor of the NICCU came to talk to Josh and I about what to expect when it was time for Hannah to be born.  He told us a lot of things that day, but they only things I held on to was "every day, every hour, every minute that the baby stays inside her mother makes her a little bit stronger."  I was determined that Hannah would not be taken from me until there were no other options left.......