2am ramblings........

So I am up at 2am, again.  This has become a new norm for me during this deployment.  Between parenting the princess, keeping up with the house, and attending full time online college, there are just not enough hours in the day.  I knew that Josh helped a lot when he was home, but I guess never realize just how hard it would be to accomplish everything without him.

For example, today I had an assignment due.  I had a week to work on it, but it was 1 of 4 assignments that I had over the week and this one had the latest due date.  I woke up determined to get it done early in the day, but after Hannah had breakfast and we were both ready for the day I stopped by parents to ask a favor of my dad, he wasn't home.  My mom, who has MS and a full time care giver, was having an anxious day so I decided to bring her home with me to spend some time with Hannah.  By the time we all got home it was lunch time.  After lunch was made, served, and cleaned up I spent some time distracted by my mom and Hannah.  Before I knew it, it was time to make dinner.  After everyone ate, I had to clean up yet again.  Then I took my mom back home, and my dad was there so I talked to him about some work I want to get done on our house before Josh gets home.  When we got home  Hannah went to her room to play for a bit, and I started in on my homework.  I got a good start on it, when Hannah asked me to build a castle with her.  She asked so sweetly that I could not refuse, so we built castles.  When we were done she helped me pick up the blocks, and we were on to bath time.  As I was getting her pjs on Josh got online. So I let her watch tv in my room while I chatted with him.  After we got off line, I finished getting Hannah ready for bed, and tried to get her to sleep.  She wouldn't stay in bed, and finally I had to lay in bed with her... She still would not settle down, and it was nearly 11pm when she FINALLY gave it up and went to sleep.  I started in on my assignment again, with an hour until deadline.  After 3hrs of working on it, I am calling it a night.  It still isn't finished, but at this point it is already late.  So late it will have to be.

 My very 1st priority of everyday is to keep this face a smiling one!

In reality I should not have chosen today to spend with my mom, because she needs as much attention as my 2 year old does.  I thought that I could get my work done with her here, but between her and Hannah I stayed very busy!  Now, I really should be in bed since Hannah will be up early (even though she went to bed late), but instead I am sitting here thinking about how the life of a single mom is, and how lucky I am to have a husband like Josh.  This deployment has been hard, but in some ways it has strengthen our marriage.  We are proving that our love can with stand any obstacle thrown our way, and we are learning to appreciate each other in ways we never would have if we weren't forced apart for such a long period of time.

I sit here tonight, and try to picture the day when this will all be over.  When Josh will be home, and safe again.  Everyday we get closer to that, and for that I am thankful.  Until then, I will continue to push on, and pray for the safety of my solider and his men.

Life during deployment.

So I realize that it as been awhile since I have "blogged".  Life around the Apel home has not been the same since Josh deployed, and lets face it I have never really been good at keeping up with this anyways.  I have, however, been doing quite a bit of journaling.  This being the first deployment that Josh and I have encounter since meeting five years ago, it has been a very difficult experience for me. It has come with a wide range of emotions, most of which I keep to myself.  Hints where the journal comes in!  I was inspired to write today after coming across a quote on my friend and fellow army wife's Facebook page. 

 "Distance is to love as wind to a flame, it increases the strong and diminishes the weak."

This simple quote made me start to reflect on the love that my husband and I share.  After meeting in a semi-unconviental way, our relationship grew very quickly.  I knew with in a few months that Josh was the man that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, and we were married a little over a year after we started dating.  Josh and I were perfect for each other in many different ways, but our lives together have not been all sunshine and rainbows.  Marriages take work, but we have always come through any obstacle life has thrown our way stronger then we were before.

Before this deployment I would have thought there was no way possible for us to be any stronger, or any more in love.  The distance has proven me wrong.  Even though we are worlds a part (literally),  our hearts have never been closer.  Sounds corny, right?  Well it is true.  It is hard to explain, but I guess the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true.  Through the ups and downs of this deployment I can honestly say that this experience has, and will continue too, strengthen our relationship and reconfirm our commitment to one another.

So to sum this up whole thing up, deployments are lame.  I miss my husband, and there are no words to express how deeply his absence is felt in our family.  We will, however, continue on.  Knowing that once this is over, we will be stronger.  At the end of the day, no matter how hard or long it has been, I am proud to be the wife of a true American hero.  There is no other man for me, and no other life I would rather live.