Times of War, PRAY

A friend of ours was injured in Afghanistan early this morning.  Though I personally did not know him well, Josh did.  When I told him the news I tried to hold back my tears.  It is times like these that this war becomes real, and the sacrifices our men and women in uniform are making made clear.

I can see the pain in my husbands eyes when he hears that yet another one of his brothers in arms has been injured.  Not only can I see his pain, but I can feel it.  As I read updates on his condition I can only imagine the feeling of helplessness his wife must be feeling. My heart truly goes out to her.  She reports that his condition is stable and he is being transported to Germany as we speak.  I thank God that he has survived this, and pray that he is soon returned to his family.

As I pray for him and his family I can't help but to also pray for Josh. I pray that I never find myself on the other end of the phone call, that is ever Army wives worst nightmare.   In the 3 short years Josh and I have been married I have sadly learned that phone call, that dreaded knock on the door by th unknown man in uniform bearing bad news, are all too real for too many loved ones left behind.

So tonight I pray.  I pray for the Simion's and Jeremy's safe return to his family.  I pray for the safety of all our troops. I pray for my husband, and the years he has left serve.  Basically tonight, I pray.

Mother's Day!

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful Mom's out there!  I hope everybody's day was as special as mine!

I love being a Mom and even more then that I love being HANNAH'S MOM!  All I needed today was her and Josh.  I got them and so much more!  My day started with sleeping in (Josh got up with Hannah), and breakfast in bed!  I also got flowers and a new Coach bag!  To top it off I was also taken out to Mexican for lunch.  My husband sure knows the way to my heart!

It made me feel special that Josh went out of his way to make sure I had a special day.  It feels nice to know I am appreciated! :)  I am oh so lucky to have such an amazing husband and daughter!

Catch up time!

Life has been busy and the days seem to be flying right on by!  I took Hannah to her 15 month appointment last week and she has grown 2" inches and gained almost 3 pounds since her 12 month appointment last January!  Besides getting bigger she is also FINALLY starting to walk and has been talking up a storm!  Her new favorite word is "NO"! LOL. It surprises me how something like her telling me "NO" can be so cute, yet so annoying at the same time!

I still at times struggle to find a balance in life.  Taking care of Hannah's needs and wants are my number one priority in life (I am not complaining about that) and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I often times forget to take time out for myself to do the things that I enjoy.  I feel like I have in away let myself go. I guess I am trying to find a balance of the person I once was and the mother I am now.  Does that even make sense?

Despite feeling overwhelmed at times, more then anything I am thankful for Josh and Hannah.  I really do love being a wife and a mother.  I have been blessed with a very happy energetic child.  Her personality is so cute and lovable! She is social and outgoing already!   I know more then anything that she is my purpose in life.  Her and Josh are the life that God had planned for me all along. All I had to do was let go of the things of the world that I THOUGHT I wanted and expect the wonderful gifts that God wanted to bless me with! :)

 

Water for Elephants

There are few things I love more then a good book.  I find that I can lose myself in reading and actually picture the characters as if I am watching a movie in my head!  I have a vivid imagation and I love to escape to a make believe world! 

Since having Hannah I find I have little time to enjoy this simple pleasure anymore.  I have too many interest and not enough time to fit them all in anymore! LOL.  I did however find time to read "Water for Elephants."  I was an amazing story something I would suggest to anyone who loves to read!

It is about a 93 year old telling his story of when he was a young man and ran away with the circus!  It is romance, deceit, murder and much more.  I found it not only entertaining but very interesting!  I could barely put it down... just ask my husband who got very annoyed with the night table lamp being on while he was trying to sleep!


If you aren't much of a reader I recently saw a preview for the movie version coming to theaters later this month.  I am sure it won't be as good as the book, but I will see it anyways. That is how much I LOVED the story!  I loved it so much that I had to bore all 8 of my readers with this blog! LOL

So much for security!

When my husband re-enlisted we knew we would make sacrifices, we knew we would be moved from post to post, and we knew that we would face deployments.  In exchange we were getting guaranteed paychecks and health benefits. Well today the government has disappointed us greatly by following through with it's threats of a military pay freeze.

LES's were released earlier today confirming what everyone feared.  No one is getting paid after April 8th.  This means that when payday comes around on the 15th every military member will be receiving roughly half of their regular pay and if they don't settle on a budget, by the time the 1st rolls around there will no paychecks at all.

This baffles me.  How can our government with hold pay from those who put their lives on the line for our country.  How do they sleep at night knowing the position they have put thousands of families in?

 
The one thing we thought we would never have to worry about is how we would pay our bills or how we will feed our daughter, but now I am questioning these very things.  Realistically we have the savings to make it for a couple months and I really don't see it going that long, but the fact that I even have to wonder or question it makes me sick.  What kind of country do I live in when men and women on welfare and unemployment receive constant paychecks and my husband who has been wounded in combat defending our country pay is being withheld? Someone please tell me where the logic in that is!

The principle of this is what bothers me more then anything, but as my husband says on his facebook today "Don't worry America, I will continue to fight for you even if my family and I have to live in a card board box!"  and I in turn will continue to support him.

Another weekend come and gone....

Hannah outside playing and enjoying the Georgia sun!

It seems as though the days have just been flying by lately! In a way this is good.  It means we are getting closer and closer to moving back to WA, but that means we are getting closer to our unknown future and I hate the unknown! 

I also LOVE and HATE how fast Hannah is growing up.  It seems like only yesterday I brought home my tiny 4 lb princess and now she is starting to talk and is on the verge of walking.  She has been saying "Mama" and "Daddy" for months but just this last week she has added "Thank You", "Ducky", and "Kitty"  She isn't quite walking on her own yet, but she is getting there!

Princess Hannah in her Princess buggy!

It is difficult for me to gauge if she is advance or falling behind since she was born almost 2 months early and the doctors say she could take up to 2 years to fully catch up.  I know for a fact that she isn't behind on walking, but she also isn't ahead.  Her social and verbal skills however amaze me.  She has been trying to talk for a long time now.  She sits and reads her books to herself in her own baby Hannah language and hold conversations with me in this same language.  It is so amazing to me to hear her start to actually make out "real" words!  She also listens and understands very well.  For instance she has a little pink car that I push her around in and when I tell her to honk the horn she does it on command!  This and other little things always seem to amaze me!    It is so wonderful to see her develop and grow especially after her rough start, but it also is sad that time goes by so fast and I know she won't always be a baby! :( I love to take pictures of her though...and dress her up in what Josh calls "ridiculous" outfits, but I am positive he means ridiculousLY CUTE outfits like the Easter outfit I have her in above!

People always leave......

Hannah and Abby Easter Sunday 2010

Today my daughter learns a lesson about military life that she is still too young to understand.  Her "best" friends are moving away today.  At 14 months old you might think it is silly for me to say she has a best friend, but she really does.  If you were to see her reaction towards Connor and Abby you would see that even at a very young age she has bonded with them.  They have been a part of her life for a little more then a year now. Connor is 2 days shy of a year older then Hannah, and Abby is just 2 weeks younger.  She knows them by sight and gets excited every time she see's them.  She reacts to them in a way that she doesn't react to any other kids her age.  She knows them when sadly she doesn't even know her own cousins.

Abby, Connor, and Hannah 4th of July 2010

She won't remember them.  She may not even notice their sudden absence in her life, but one day she will be old enough to understand.  One day she will be forced to leave her friends behind as we move on to a new duty station and she will miss them. She will understand.


Hannah will not have the kind of childhood that I had.  I grew up surrounded with the best family in the world.  Loving grandparents, fun aunts and uncles, and lots and lots of cousins.  We were all close.  I looked up to my older cousins wanting to be more like them and my cousins my age were like best friends.  We used to ride rooter scooters around my grandparents basements, have mini slumber parties, play pool, and much much more. I always looked forward to them visiting and spending endless summer days with them.

Abby and Hannah! Beautiful Butterflies Halloween 2010

I have learned that in the Military we have "substitute" families.  For example, my own Nephew who will be 3 this year barely recognizes me, but Connor see's my car coming down the road and startes yelling Auntie.  We have been blessed to make some really great friends here that love Hannah and are glad to be her Aunties and Uncles, but it makes me sad that in reality she has 2 Aunts, one of which she has never met, and a Uncle that she barely knows.  In turn I have a Nephew that doesn't really know me and a brand new niece that I have yet to meet.

Cute girls! Abby and Hannah!

I am happy that we will be going back to Fort Lewis where Hannah will get a chance to spend at least part of her childhood with her Great Grandma Sharon, her Grandma and Grandpa Anderson, My brother, sister in law, and her 2 cousins, and the many many other friends and family we have there, but I also know that the time for us to leave them will once again come and this time Hannah will be old enough to understand.  She will be old enough to miss them.  It will make leaving them harder then it was the first time I left almost 3 years ago.

Hannah and Connor.  Valentines 2010

"Army Wives"

Tonight's episode of Army Wives hit a little too close to home.  Though the show may be fictional, it is based on the lives of military family's.  Family's like my own.  Tonight for the first time is 5 season's a main character was killed in action.

It's funny how these characters can become so real to us that when they die it can bring tears to our eyes... or maybe it just me, but watching tonight I couldn't help but feel like it was real.  The sad thing is it is real.  The characters may be fictional, but the story is true for too many family's. 

So many men and women have died for this country and all their loves ones have left of them are old memories and a folded flag.  They die for their country and to them there is no greater honor, but what about those they leave behind.  How do they feel about the army and the war after they lose someone they love because of it?

With our time here at Fort Benning quickly dwindling down I start to feel the fear and anxiety of our unknown future start to creep in.  We know that we will be reporting to Fort Lewis early next year and we know Josh will once again join a deploy able line unit.  We don't, however, know if or when he will deploy, but with 9 years left to serve in the army as an infantry solider deployment at one point seems inevitable.  All I can do is make the most of everyday we have to spend together as a family and hope and pray that God will direct the path of our future as he sees fit. 

Tonight my thoughts and prayers are with all the military families that have lost loved ones and those who currently have soldiers over sea's.  Thank you all for your service and for supporting your solider!

Day's like today I love the South

Days like today are a good reminder of how amazing my life really is.  It's the simple things in life that  make me happy!

For starters, Josh was off today which makes any day a good day!  Secondly, it was warm and Sunny! A perfect spring day! While all our friends and family are stuck in WA FREEZING we were out enjoying the sun!

Hannah in the bounce house!

So what did we do to enjoy this beautiful day?  Josh started his day with a fishing trip to the river while Hannah  and I went out shopping for a birthday present since we had a party to attend this afternoon. Nothing like doing things last minute, I know! LOL.  The birthday party was "Carnival" themed and Hannah had a blast!   She got to play in a bounce house and try cotton candy for the first time!  When we got home we went for a nice long walk with the neighbors and their kids!  We def got our fair share of vitamin D today!

Now the night is winding down and Hannah is already tucked into bed after a long day and Josh headed back to the river for a couple more hours of fishing and I am relaxing in bed trying not to fall a sleep myself!  Though our day may not be what other would consider fun and exciting it is days like these that make all the long days that Josh is stuck at work, worth while for me.  There is nothing better then spending quality time with the two people I love most in this world. My husband and my daughter!

Surprisingly enough it is also days like today that I realize I am going to miss Georgia when it is time for us to leave here.  I hated it here when I first got here, but over the last 2 years it has started to grow on me.  This is where Josh and I started our lives as a married couple and it is where I gave birth to our precious baby girl.  Even though I never wanted to let it feel like home, somehow it has.

Even more surprisingly I am starting to feel anxious about moving back to WA at the beginning of next year.  I have grown accustom to our lives here.  I was in such a hurry to get home again that I forgot about the parts of my life that weren't so great there and I worry that I might get sucked back into certain things that I had to move 3,000 miles from home to get away from.  I have become a different person since I have been away.  I have family of my own to take care of now and they come first and foremost. Will my friends and family be able to accept this and accept the new me?  Will some of the people that were once so dear to my heart be able to fit into my new life?  I guess only time will tell, but I am no longer in a rush to get to the future... I am going to spend the last 10 months that I have here in GA taking advantage of all the south has to offer and enjoying all the little things that I now know I will miss about my home away from home!

She was suppose to be a Butterfly but she wasn't sitting still!

A couple picks of Hannah enjoying herself at the party today!!!!

Hannah eating her first Cotton Candy!

Burnt Out!

At the end of the day I am always so exhausted, and sometimes it is hard to explain why. Well today is not one of those days! 

For starts today was made 11 days in a row that Josh has worked. This means 11 days of being a single Mom! LOL.  To top it off I had my neighbors 2 year old son for a couple hours today. Usually I don't mind having extra kids here.  Though I may complain at times, I really do love being a stay at home Mom, and I really love kids.  Today, however, it was too much. 

Connor and Hannah usually get along so well.  Hannah responds to him differently then any other kid we know.  He is her first best friend.  Today Connor was in a mood I have never seen him in.  His Mom was gone for a little over 2 hrs and he spend the fast majority of that time crying at the front door for her.  There was nothing I could do for him and I am not used to hours of consent crying. At one point he started kicking Hannah, which was very upsetting for both of us!

Connor, Hannah and Abby. (Hannah is in the middle)

When his Mom finally came back for him I was done.  I have never been so happy to have a quiet house again!  I can't get over how mentally drained I feel right now.  Thankfully tomorrow is friday, day 12 of Josh's work week, which means Josh will be off for the WHOLE weekend! So excited for some long over due family time!  Hannah and I both miss our Daddy!

Connor and Hannah like to hold hands when we take them for walks!

"Teen Mom"

So laugh as you may, Teen Mom is a show that I watch religiously.  I love watching the babies grow, and sometime the parents too.  Lately though it seems like MTV is really missing the mark with this show.  It was suppose to show case teenage Mom's and show how hard being a mom is, but when I watch it all I can think is... man do these girl really know how good they have it?

Don't get me wrong, some of the issues they have are heartbreaking and I can't image opening up my life to the public how they have.  Watching one of the twins this season struggle with health issues almost brings me to tears, but at the same time I see how lucky the parents of the twins are to have the support of all there family and friends. 

I guess that is what I am getting at in the end.  These girls, and a lot of the other moms in the world don't realize how lucky they are to be so close to family and to have extra support financially, emotionally, and babysitters when they need them! 

I can count on one hand the number of times Hannah has been left with a sitter and it has never been for more the a hour or two.  For the last 13 and 1/2 months the responsibility of raising her has been primarily on my shoulders as Josh has to work and be away from us most of the time.  If I need to go to the grocery store she comes with, if I want to go out to lunch with a friend she comes with, if Josh and I want to go out to dinner she comes with, anywhere and everywhere I go she goes. I'm not complaining by all means.  I love my daughter and I believe that a mother should be the one to raise her children.  I think if at all possible mothers should stay at home with their children, but I won't get into that at this time.

What I guess I am getting at today is that MTV isn't making motherhood look as hard as it actually is and it seems like more and more teenagers are wanting babies instead of not wanting babies.  The show has turned into mostly baby daddy drama.  Having a child effects so much more then your relationships with your child's dad.  It changes every aspect of your life.  It changes who you are and what you stand for.  At least it should.  If they want to show girls how much work really goes into raising a child they should show case a military couple that is living thousands of miles away from friends and family.  I don't know what any of the girls on the show would do if they didn't have their parents or other people in their lives to dump there kids off with half the time while they go and get their nails done and on dates with their babies daddy's!

There I am done. I have vented for the day.

Guess I am not the best at keeping up with this blog......

So I realize that I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog and I left the rest of Hannah's story untold. The truth is life is busy and and so is Hannah.  Any mother of a one year old knows that!  So here is the quick verison of the other half of my "birthing" story.

Hannah was born 1/21/10 at 10am in the morning.  I spent four nights in the hosiptal before she was born.  After 24 hrs of enduced labor my condition was quickly worsing and they were forced to take her via "C" section.  At this point the fear and anxitey I had been feeling for the last 4 days was gone.  As they wheeled me into the operation room I felt a  peace around me.  In that monment I knew God was there to take care of us.  I finally let go of my daughter and gave her to God and in return he gave me the peace and knowlegdge that she was going to be okay.

It's been over a year now, and I still get tears in my eyes remembering that day.  My husband says that is was stromy and rainy out but at 10am when Hannah was born and we first heard her cry he claims the rain stopped and the sun came out.  I was too out of it to notice, but it makes perfect sense to me.  The worst part of our personal strom was over and Hannah was the sunshine at the end!  She weighed 4lb 2ounces and was 17 inches long.

I only got to see my perfect little princess for a second before they took her to the NICCU.  It would be over 24hrs before I would get to see her again and before I would get to hold her for the first time.  Josh went between me and the NICCU.  Keeping a close eye on both of his girls and bring me pictures of our new little bundle of joy!

We spent the next 3 days in the hosiptal with Hannah in the NICCU.  Even though she couldn't be in my room with us it was nice to be able to see her anytime I wanted too.  After I was released Hannah had to stay.  I hated leaving her there.  I came home feeling empty.  The last time I had been home she was with me, and it was almost more then I could bare that she couldn't come home with me.  It also made visiting her so much harder.  We live 25 minutes from the hosiptal she was born at, but we still made it twice a day everyday to see her.

My little fighter was born tiny but perfect.  She had some slight reflux issues, but was breathing on her own and never needed a feeding tube. She only had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks before we got to bring her home! All in all we were truely blessed with a miracle! Hannah is 13 months now and looking at her you would never know she had such rough start in this life.  She has completely caught up in almost all areas.  She is not walking yet, but the doctors aren't worried about that because she shouldn't even be a year old yet and not all babies walk before they are a year!

Well that is all for now.  More later!

A year ago, yesterday!

January 17, 2010 (a year ago yesterday) I was 32 and 1/2 weeks pregnant.  It is also the same night that I was rushed from Martin Army hospital by ambulance to Columbus Regional Hospital.  I had been diagnosed with preeclampsia early in my pregnancy and been watched very closely for months,  That night I had pains and feelings that I can't explain, but I knew things were wrong.  My husband took me to labor and delivery at the hospital on post (Martin Army).  My blood pressure was insanely high, so high that I was uncontrollably vomiting (gross I know).  I was transferred to the local hospital in town (Columbus Regional) because Martin Army doesn't have a NICCU and I was informed by the doctors at Martin Army that my sweet baby girl would more then likely have to been born that night.  For those of you who don't know what preeclampsia  is, it is a condition in which your body basically because allergic to your placenta.  It causes high blood pressure and for your kidneys and liver not to function properly.  The only cure for preeclampsia is delivery of the baby.

I can't describe the amount of emotions and fear that I was overcome with at this time.  Josh and I were 3,000 miles away from "home" and our family.  Josh tried his hardest to be strong for me, but we both knew it was too early for our baby to come and I was getting sicker by the minute.  The details of that night are a little blurry to me. Everything was happening so fast and I was put on a drug called magnesium to make sure that I didn't start having seizures.  I remember the paramedic in the ambulance with me trying to come me down because my blood pressure was still so high and there would be nothing he could do if I did start to have seizures.  The magnesium made me very hot and thirsty. I remember my mouth being so dry, but they wouldn't let me drink anything. Josh contacted my family along with his. Neither of us knew what to expect from there on out.  Hannah and I were in the lords hands.

Hannah didn't come that night.  They were able to stabilize my blood pressure and I was given a steroid shot to help with the development of Hannah's lungs. The doctors made it clear to Josh and I that this was all only temporary and that I would be staying in the hospital until Hannah was born.  They wanted to be able to wait 36 hours (until I had another steroid shot for her lungs and it had, had enough time to take effect) before she would be delivered, but they weren't sure we would be able to wait even that long.

The next day was much of the same. I was sick and in so much pain but I didn't want my baby to be born yet so I tried to bare it.  I was hooked up to so many machines monitoring me and the baby and I had blood work done every couple of hours around the clock to make sure my condition was worsting.  It was impossible to get any rest with people poking me with needles every couple of hours.  I wasn't allowed out of bed since I was still on the mag and a IV for fluids.  They wouldn't let me eat or drink anything afraid at anytime they would have to do a ER C-section. The head doctor of the NICCU came to talk to Josh and I about what to expect when it was time for Hannah to be born.  He told us a lot of things that day, but they only things I held on to was "every day, every hour, every minute that the baby stays inside her mother makes her a little bit stronger."  I was determined that Hannah would not be taken from me until there were no other options left.......

My first post!

So I guess I will start this blog off by telling you all a little bit about me and my family. I am a Stay at Home Mom to a beautiful, almost, one year old baby girl and a Army Wife to a handsome Drill Sergent.  Home is currently Fort Benning, Ga.  Though we were planning on getting out of the army in 2012 and move back to WA state where we met and my family lives, we have recently made the decision to stay in the military until my husband retires.Therefore for the next 9 years home is where the army sends!  Though we both miss our family and friends we can't ignore the benefits that a military life provides us.  It is hard at times, but I love being a Army wife and I support my husbands career.  We are very happy in life and excited for all the future holds for our family!